Motivation Pulls

Many clients tell us that one of their wishes is to get rid of their emotions, or to stop feeling bad, or to not have emotions at all. Emotions can be painful, intense, and annoying, so it’s understandable if you want to be rid of your emotions. However, emotions are actually essential to our surviving and thriving in the world. All emotions, even difficult emotions like anxiety and sadness, play an important role in our lives. Emotions are critical in helping us be productive members of a society, a family, a romantic relationship, a friendship, a classroom, or an office. Emotions deepen our sense of experience. They help bring meaning to experiences and actions in our lives.

Emotions serve as signals or messengers for our motivations. There are two overarching motivations that we call security and reward. Security essentially refers to our survival instinct, and reward refers to our strong desires to build our lives and thrive. The difference between our actual and desired motivation levels results in a motivational pull, inviting us to take action that will reduce the difference. As such, motivational pulls are providing important information in that they are telling us where we are compared to where we want to be.

The relationship of emotions to motivations is like an orchestra. Emotions are like the different instruments and motivations are like the overall composition. If we listen carefully, we can hear what each instrument is playing. Likewise, when we pay attention to our emotions, we can notice which ones are present in a particular situation and what information each one is contributing. The combination of motivations and emotions that arise in our lives provides us with a story or understanding of the situation we are in, and helps us know whether we want to move toward or away from that situation.

Emotions in their pure form, although motivationally informative, can be scary and uncomfortable. But the message that they are conveying is important because they tell us what matters to us. By letting this message guide our actions, rather that engaging in reactive responding, we can handle situations in more effective ways and in ways that are in congruence with how we want to be.

Motivations are not destiny. It is not set in stone how we will act in a given situation. Sometimes we hold back gratifying ourselves because there is risk. Other times we set aside the sense of risk and danger because the potential payoff is worth the risk. Knowing what motivations are being conveyed by emotions is easier when the emotions we experience are more melodious and harmonious. But, it gets more difficult when some of our emotions are more intense as they can overshadow other emotions and corresponding motivations. When we experience anxiety intensely, for instance, we often get strong signals that we are being pulled towards security, which can drown out other motivations. To see past singularly loud or disharmonious emotions, we need to listen carefully to all the various emotions that arise.